I am in total and utter shock. Another decision is out of my hands and I am wheelchaired through the underground pedway and admitted to the hospital. Aint the Hy's centre grand? I am put on the pre delivery ward (whats its really called I cant remember right now) and just feeling confused and sad. The nurses are nice enough to put me in a private room and despite the fact thats its not hospital policy to do so, they bring in a cot so that Mike can stay with me. He jokes that after 6 weeks on this thing his back will hurt worse than mine but Im not so sure. Despite our stresses and issues I am glad for his company. To have to be there alone would have been completely unbearable.
They have me on constant checks and monitoring and pretty much bedrest to keep care of my diabetes and her heartrate. Dr Tenkle mentions that I *may* be able to labour naturally but a whole neonatal team would be in my room at all times. With being unable to walk much due to all the injuries I have sustained, Im not too sure I'll go into labour on my own. At 37 weeks that too becomes a nonissue when a night nurse doing a routine bloodpressure cuff yanks on my arm a little too hard and fractures my right elbow. I can not believe it, Im now to the point where I am so crippled I cant even do the simplest things we all take for granted, IE - wiping my own butt. I am righthanded and this truly f'in sux. Imagine your humiliation at needing your spouse or the nurse (a complete stranger) to do this for you, take the thought of how you would feel ~ multiply it by a billion and there you have what life was like for me. They wanted to do surgery to repair my elbow but I was too close to delivering and they could do nothing with her complications that wouldnt greatly put her life at risk. Instead they half casted my arm and told me to plan for surgery post delivery.
Im am uncomfy and take solace in my twice daily escapes to the basement cafeteria where I waste as many hours as possible away from my room. You'd think Timmys after 6 weeks would be a little much but today I am still a fan, plus it was the cheapest of the few places there to eat. Im running out of clothes and other necessities so Mike sneaks me out and we go shopping with me wheelchair bound with my huge baby tummy. Quite the adventure but it felt great to get away. We are running out of money and at that time my CTB cheques were mailed out to me, so Mike and I plan a sneaky lil day trip to Calgary to get the money. Dont worry since then I got smarter and now have most things direct deposited.. makes life much easier. I am glad to see my kids but it hurts tonnes to have to leave Teigan again, at that time she was just learning to walk and really didnt understand why Mommy kept going and leaving her behind.
I also start to redwell on why she wont survive a 30 minute STARS air ambulance ride but a 10 - 15 minute ground ambulance ride from the Alex to the Stollery NICU will be no problem. We arrive back in my room late that evening and all I get from my nurse is a strange questioning look but she says nothing. In retrospect I wonder why nothing was ever said.. when you have a patient like me you'd think an 9 hr absence would matter to them. Futhermore upon needing to go down to ultrasound and carrying my own charts, I am really hurt to find on a document that Dr Tenkle has written that according to him I am "morbidly, morbidly, morbidly obese" and it is underlined several times and even has exclamation points on the end. Now yes I know Im overweight but I was only 240ish pds at my time of delivery and over 40 of that was my Sevanna belly. That makes me even more angry at being stuck with him as my OB.
I am angry, sad, exhausted and sick. This leads to me having a flow of andreniline and I actually have the strength to pace back and forth infront of the nurses station with my walker, muttering to myself about what it would take to get some decent help around here and just how much I dislike Dr Dinkle. My current nurse somewhat overhears me and comes to ask me what is wrong. I adore her, she is my favorite nurse and one that seems to truly care. I burst out crying and tell her about the constant pain, not getting comfy or having slept for 6 days, I tell her about being unable to eat and lows in oxygen Sevanna has suffered as a result of blood sugar constantly dipping under 3. When I am through my tirade she hugs me, strokes my hair and says enough is enough, I can no longer see you like this, I am going to find someone that can help you. I mutter stupid Dr. Stinkle under my breath and she laughs loud and long. She says your not the first to be upset with him and stinkle is a new one. I tell her I also call him Dr Dinkle, and Dr Stankle. Oh my goodness she says, you must really have a bone to pick with him. Yes I must ...
An hour later she is back from talking to the Dinkle himself and they have found something that will knock me out allowing my body to rest while posing no harm to Sevanna. I am all for it and wish now I could remember the name of it cuz I sure culd use the odd hit even now... LOL. Sweet dreams says my nurse as she empties the syringe into my IV line and soon I am out cold. I wake up 20 hours later to find Dr Tenkle himself sitting on my bed waiting to ask me how I feel. He says due to my lack of starting active labour and for her benefit he has picked a day to deliver Sevanna, that day being 5 days away. He says I will be the first case that morning and to be in the waiting area for the operating theatre at 730AM. I head up there only to be postponed to 2nd case and now Im more anxious than ever to have this done. They come to prep me, and give me a spinal and the clearest thing I remember whilst being cut open was not his concern for me but Dr Stankles concern that his deli order for lunch would be screwed up.
A few minutes later I hear a soft cry and get the millisecond momentary joy of him holding up Sevanna before immediately whisking her away. I barely can focus on her and she is already gone. I dont get to hold her and my own heart is aching. A few more minutes later a nurse hands me a poloroid of a darkhaired chubby cheeked girl and tells me shes beautiful.
It is 10:25 AM on Monday, November 27th 2006. Welcome to the world my angel Sevanna Faith Loree <3